Don’t Wait!

Do you know how many times I wore a swimsuit three summers ago when I was at my healthiest weight?


That’s right.

I was so self-conscious about the way I looked in a swimsuit that I refused to put one on. All of those memories I missed making with my children!

The sad truth is, I have always struggled with summer and swimsuits. Even waaaay back in high school days. I hated the way I looked in a swimsuit and all I could think about was, “Everyone is going to stare at me. And not in a good way.”

This year, at around fifty pounds heavier than three years ago, I was not making the same mistake.

I purposely went and bought myself a new swimsuit. (I had to. I didn’t have one that fit. Snort!)

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I have proudly worn that size 16 suit all summer. At a lake in Texas. At a waterpark in Missouri. At two different lakes in Arkansas. At a friend’s pool.

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I have splashed and played with my children. I have gone down water slides. I have gone tubing. And floated in a lazy river. And canoed.


Were they staring at me? Were they grossed out by my cellulite? Did they notice how I’m basically part mermaid with the way my thighs love to hang out together?

Maybe they were. Maybe there were dudes snickering about me behind my back. Maybe there were some snarky chicks rolling their eyes at my audacity to wear a swimsuit in public.

You know what?


Maybe there was another woman there who needed to look out and see someone else confidently wearing a swimsuit. Maybe there was another woman there who needed to be able to say, “If she can do it, then I can do it, too.”

I finally decided I was sick and tired of waiting to live it up until I was the perfect size.

What are you waiting on experiencing until you lose weight? DON’T WAIT.

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Good grief, I’m yelling a lot lately.

“He Sprouts Veins Like I Sprout Love Handles”

What’s it like to be married to someone who has never struggled with weight issues? Someone who has remained within the same 5-10 pound weight range his entire adult life? Someone who does not turn to food when he’s sad, lonely, happy, mad or any other emotion of the rainbow? Someone who displays consistent discipline with working out and eating healthy?

I’m glad you asked.

Because I’m married to someone like that.

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If I’m trying to be funny, I’d say it’s annoying.

And I’m not talking annoying like you go to the bathroom only to find someone didn’t replace the toilet paper roll and there are only two sheets left.

No, I’m not talking annoying like you have sand stuck inside your bathing suit, which happens to be riding up giving you an epic wedgie, but you can’t pull it out because the entire city of New York is staring at you while you sing “I Dreamed a Dream” on Broadway. No, I don’t know why you’re in a bathing suit in New York on Broadway.

Did you notice the second example was not only annoying, but also embarrassing?

That was intentional.

Because if I’m being real, I’d tell you it’s hard. Emotionally. And mentally.

My husband and I were both previously married (years ago since we’ve been married 18 years now) and his first wife was, and still is, thin. I’ve never known her to be overweight nor have I ever seen pictures of her overweight.

And then there’s . . . . . me.


Since I started struggling with my weight in high school, this is obviously been one of my biggest struggles our entire married life.

He’s well-acquainted with my ways of trying the next best thing. He’s literally poured thousands of dollars into helping me lose weight. THOUSANDS. And has nothing to show for his investment. Heck, I weigh more now than the day I gave birth to our first child together.

He has never said anything negative to me about my weight. Ever. He might privately think things or he may not, but I’ve never heard him say anything.

It’s a struggle for me. I mean the dude has muscles where I didn’t even know muscles existed. He’s never been tested, but I’m pretty sure he has less than 2% body fat.

He sprouts veins like I sprout love handles.

Honestly, it feels lonely. Because what comes so easily for him is such an incredible struggle for me and makes it hard to communicate with him about it.

Wow. This post is definitely trending toward downer. Snort out loud.

I don’t have any answers or profound thoughts. I’m just being real.

P. S. I realize you might be in a totally different situation. Maybe you’re the one who is healthy and fit and you’re married to someone who struggles. Maybe you both struggle. Maybe neither of you give a rip.