This blog has been mostly silent for awhile. There’s a reason for that and I really haven’t had the energy or desire to write about it.
I. Am. Tired.
What in the world am I talking about?
I’ve watched friends begin new health journeys. I’ve watched their excitement and enthusiasm. I’ve seen them blast through each goal and continue to press on toward their prize.
And then I look at myself and I’m like, “Really? Really, Ruthanne? You’ve been on this journey since December of 2010. 2010! Really? You still haven’t reached your goal? In fact, you’ve backsliden? What exactly is your problem?”
I’m disgusted with myself. I want to be done.
I’m over this journey.
Suuuuuper encouraging and uplifting, right?
I’m sorry. I just don’t have it right now.
And that . . . is why I haven’t written much. I don’t have anything motivational, inspirational or otherwise tional to offer.
What can I possibly say?
“Yes, I started my journey, lost about 80 pounds, gained some back, lost a little, gained a little, lost a little, gained more and 2 1/2 years later . . . same story.”
It’s like a song on repeat. Only I don’t love this song anymore. I want to punch this song in the face. I want to throw this song down the garbage disposal and flip the on switch. I want to . . . alright, you get the general idea.
What makes this even harder for me is I feel as if I’ve let y’all down. I feel like a failure. A hypocrite.
Because I can’t just end a post like this I will tell y’all I have an accountability partner that I text with almost everyday. We started this about a month ago. I now have more good days than bad days. That’s progress. I hope.
Again, I’m sorry. I wish I had happy news. Not today.
Keepin’ it real.