I have a lot of words floating around in my heart and mind lately.
Some of them are a jumbled mess that even if I were to unravel them and lay them out, I’m not sure I could find order out of the chaos.
Others I know by heart because they are like a broken record I play over and over again.
Many of my runs lately have been about these words.
Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to run away from them. Even just for a time. Maybe if I can just run fast enough I can leave them so far behind they’ll never be able to catch up.
Sometimes I feel like I use my running as a time to sort through the words. A time to ask myself what they truly mean. A time to bring calm to the storm.
Usually nothing is resolved during my run. The same words that were floating around in my head are still there. I haven’t fixed anything or solved anything.
Essentially, I’ve just worked up a sweat, increased my heart rate and burned some calories.
Yet . . . .
Without that time, when my feet beat out a steady rhythm with the ground, I think the words would overtake me.
So, I’m going to keep running.
I’m going to run away from the words.
I’m going to run with the words.
I’m just going to run.
Clearly we are having the same word-problem, as shown by the 12 page letter I wrote you…
Maybe I need to take up running???
Thanks for being my new therapist. Can’t wait for many more letters.
Hi Ruthanne,
I just found your site today as I am just getting started on WW. My starting weight is right where you started and I just have to ask…How did you start the running and when? My dream is to finish a marathon and to run, but I don’t know where to start. Your description of yourself in your “where did I start” post is me…The stairs and the heavy breathing and all but I want this and I am going to do it this time.
If you could just clue me in where you started with exercise I would so greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your blog and I’m so happy I stumbled upon it.