Whenever I take photos for other people, before I’ve even started, I’ve already taken the pictures in my head. I’ve brainstormed different ideas and worked them out – imagining exactly what they’ll look like. On the one hand, it gives me some kind of game plan. A launching point. On the other hand, it’s extremely frustrating for me. Very seldom do the images I take in my mind translate into a gorgeous image through my view finder.
It’s at that point, every stinkin’ time, I become discouraged. I question myself. I doubt. I get sweaty palms. I want to quit. I just know I’m making a complete fool of myself.
My brother and sister-in-law were privileged to see my freak out routine this past weekend. I figured since they already know me so well, I didn’t really need to fake it in front of them. I mean . . . I was already in my pjs, no make-up and had {all-day} morning breath. Obviously, I was a vision of professionalism.
I end almost every photo session stressing – hoping I’ll have at least one good shot. I’m never sure. Ever. It’s not until I get home, upload the photos and look through them on my big computer screen that I begin to feel some calm. There are still tons of awful shots, but I’ve always been able to find a handful of keepers.
It’s stress like I’ve described that makes me question if I’m cut out for a more serious photography venture. Is it just inexperience that makes me feel so insecure? Will the stress disappear over time? Will I always view my photos as second rate? Or is the stress a good thing? Will it motivate me to press on and never stop learning?
Sigh.
I don’t know.
I do know I have the most adorable niece in the entire world. Yes, I do. She’s precious. She let me play with her all day and take hundreds of pictures and she only peed and pooped on my stuff a few times. 
She peed on my brother way more, which made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to pee.
Thank you, Jeff & Liz! For allowing me to crash your place, create havoc in your routine, rearrange your living room and monopolize your laptop. I love y’all for it.
She is so beautiful.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Isn’t she?! I miss her already.
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She is gorgeous, Ruthanne! You did a wonderful job!
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Thanks, Hannah!
Glad to see you’ve joined The Post.
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I love you for this post. Really. I thought I was the only one with these thoughts when it came to ‘photography’. Everyone shows their best shot, but few discuss what it took to capture it. I think you should keep forging ahead… absolutely! Your pictures are always amazing. And your niece… is. simply. precious.
.-= H-Mama´s last blog ..{True} Contentment =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:58 am
I’ve had the same thoughts as you. Afraid to share my struggles or my outtakes.
Thanks for the encouraging words, gf!
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Ruthanne,
You have the creative genius inside you. : ) It is hard sometimes getting what’s in our head into the camera isn’t it?
I found out recently that the infamous Annie Liebovitz always worried that she would lose it….meaning her ability to “find” the picture. Congrats on being a new aunt and capturing some very endearing photos.
.-= Beth @ Pages of Our Life´s last blog ..new {baby} and where I’ve been lately…. =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Really?! Annie Liebovitz? I would never have imagined it.
Thanks, Beth!
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oh how beautiful she is! and how beautiful your shots are!
y’know what makes those photos even more precious? that someone who loves her very much took those pictures. that there isn’t just talent behind those images, but heart as well.
you did good. real good!
.-= Marsha´s last blog ..Posse (homeschool style) =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Thanks, Marsha. I wuv you. Lots.
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Those are such beautiful pictures of a beautiful baby girl. Great job!
.-= CoCo´s last blog ..I Heart Faces "Jump For Joy" Photo Challenge =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Thanks, Coco! You are an awesome cheerleader.
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I told you they would turn out beautiful! : ) She is so adorable; I think I’d just move in for the next few months if I were you.
.-= Kellie´s last blog ..One small square =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Thanks, Kellie. Especially for reading my babbling, rambling, whiny e-mail.
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awesome pictures!! she is just precious!
and girl, keep moving forward in this photography journey of yours.
i love every single one of the pics posted but that last one, oh my!
i actually gasped when i saw it…..beautiful!
.-= michelle´s last blog ..Sarah’s Room & a Giveaway =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Thank you, Michelle! That’s one of my favorites, too.
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i feel exactly the same way! however, these are BEAUTIFUL!! no reason to feel insecure!
.-= chesley´s last blog ..Anticipating =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Thank you, Chesley! {By the way, gorgeous name.}
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Just lovely, Ruthanne! Glad you’re back!
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Cael in Context =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Thanks, Amanda!
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oh.my.goodness. she is PRECIOUS!
.-= Elyse´s last blog ..the little things make me happy =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:04 am
I know, right?! See, I’m totally not biased at all. *snort*
Elyse is such a lovely name.
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Why do you question yourself–those are amazing!! But, even as I ask you that, I can completely understand because I, too, would question myself every single time. Probably the reason I haven’t actually sought out more photo shooting of other people that aren’t my own kids.
She’s precious, though. you’ve got a beautiful niece!
.-= Beth´s last blog ..I Heart Faces {week 8} "Hands-On Fun" =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Opening ourselves up for failure will strike fear in our hearts every time. Working up the strength, courage and fortitude of mind and heart will always have benefits. Even if we fail, we can say we tried.
{That’s the pep talk I’m prepared to tell myself every time I want to say, “I can’t!”}
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WOW! These pictures are just stunning! You are so blessed in your gift for photography! We are created to do the things the Lord sets before us and He will guide you every step along the way! Set your fear aside and keep moving forward
Your neice is simply precious and I could not agree more with the above comment that it only adds to the photos that someone who loves her so much was the one capturing those moments.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Volcanoes =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Thanks for that gentle kick in the pants and reminder, Michelle!
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It will get better with experience…more confidence. You need to CHILL and HAVE FUN! Especially if it’s your family. You COULD go re-do them, you can’t always with clients.
They are lovely, you did great!
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Scooter Trip…part 2 =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:08 am
That’s what I keep trying to remind myself of: Chill. Have fun.
Except I want to keep putting it on a check list. *snort*
Chill. Check.
Have fun. Check.
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I wish I knew people like you existed when mine were babies. Beautiful!
.-= Angela @ Homegrown Mom´s last blog ..Family Fun Night Link-Up! =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:09 am
Aw! Thanks, Angela.
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You did a fabulous job! And don’t forget your “clients” were in pjs too.
You are amazing!
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:10 am
*Squeal*
So, you like ‘em? For real?
Hug and kiss those babies for me.
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She is beautiful!!!! And you are AWESOME!!!!!!
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Thanks, Amy!
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glad to know i’m not the only one who feels like that. i love the pictures.
.-= melissa stover´s last blog ..Snootie Patootie giveaway =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Thanks, Chicka!
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Oh my….I am SO blessed!!! Beautiful grandaughter and such a talented daughter. Love you.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Love you, Mom!
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i just found your blog through twitter and I’m so glad I did. At least you’ve taken the pictures. I am stopping myself before I even start. I need to practice, but I’m even afraid to ask our friends if they would do me the honour. Thank you for helping to realize not every wonderful photographer has it all together. Because your photos speak for themselves. You do have a talent, a wonderful gift. Thank you for sharing it.
Dana
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:54 am
Be brave. Step forward.
No one has it all together. At least that’s what I tell myself. It seems to make me feel somewhat better. *snort*
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Coo.
She’s amazing.
As are you.
.-= darcy @ m3b´s last blog ..Spring? Ohhh, Spring. Where art thou? =-.
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Ruthanne Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 9:52 am
If I’m amazing, it’s simply because I’ve studied under the master. You.
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I completely understand the insecurity. More than you can imagine. Those photos, however, are lovely and speak for themselves. I’m sure your brother (now that he’s clean and dry) and sister-in-law appreciate them mightily.
I was trying to get a shot of a dad in our homeschool group last night a part of a decorating scheme for our upcoming father/daughter dance. I needed my external flash, which I don’t use all the time, and kept blowing the heck out of the shots. It was almost comical. I felt like such a dummy because I kept changing settings, aiming the flash a different way, reshooting.
In the end, the dad said, “You’re shooting all manual, aren’t you?” I thought I looked like an idiot who couldn’t get the shot, and he was impressed I knew how to work all the dials and buttons on the camera (although there was a serious degree of trial and error involved before the final photos were taken).
Personally, I don’t think it would be any fun to know everything about photography without the learning process, although I wish it didn’t always have to be so public, painful, or embarrassing.
.-= Dawn @ My Home Sweet Home´s last blog ..Share Compassion, Sponsor a Child =-.
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Ready for some tough love??? Because this is where I yell at you and tell you to OWN YOUR TALENT. Everyone starts out with low confidence, but looking at your images, I’m here to tell you that only you can raise the level of how you see your work. Your clients and readers rave about your skills, so why don’t you start to believe that they see something beautiful in your work and so should you?!?!?! : )
XOXO,
JJ
.-= the BLAH BLAH BLAHger´s last blog ..80s Dance Party =-.
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So glad to see others who stress and feel somewhat nauseous when people want you to take their pictures : )
I am good with inanimate objects and I am facing my people fear.Lately I am realizing if people are asking me to do photo shoots for them maybe they see something in me.
So thankful for the digital age where we can preview what we shoot .Here’s hoping that this summer we will grow in our craft and security will arise within us giving ourselves permission to acknowledge our talents really make people happy.<3 photography
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