Love to Eat Hate to Eat: Chapter 1 & 2

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“For the first time in my life, I think I’m finally free from the tyranny of food. I don’t spend my day thinking about what I’ve eaten, what I will eat, or how much I weigh. I’m learning to replace these thoughts with thoughts of pleasing God and using my eating habits and my body to glorify Him. I’ve learned that although my weight does reflect, in some ways, what’s going on in my heart, it’s not the most important thing in my life. Loving God is. I’m so thankful that the Lord has changed me. I feel like I’ve been released from a sunless prison of hopelessness, fear, and bondage.”

I remember first reading those words in 2001. And I remember thinking, “What is that like?” Today? I still can’t imagine it.

“I’ve found myself buying a new book every year or so because it seemed that the last one just didn’t work out for long. I’ve searched and searched – hoping to find the magic answer to my problem. I’ve discovered that I’ve been looking for the wrong remedy. I’ve even failed to describe my problem correctly. I’ve been looking for an outward change when all the while God wanted to change my heart.”


What is it about bringing your heart into the issue that immediately makes it more difficult?

” . . . . the humiliation of knowing others were looking at how much I was eating.”

Can you relate? I certainly can. There are a lot of times I feel like my husband is watching what I eat and silently judging me.

“I would pray night after night that God would help me to lose weight. I would imagine how wonderful my life would be if I could just wake up thin the next morning.”

This made me laugh out loud. I have totally done this. Not last night. ;-)

“Tyranny is the right word to use when it comes to the way many of us think about food, dieting, and our weight. Tyranny is oppression. It is enslavement. It means that we’re dominated by thoughts and habits that torment and overpower.”

Tyranny is the perfect word. I feel like food controls me. I answer to the food. Honestly, I think I think about food more than anything else in the world.

” . . . we feel constant confusion of how our eating habits relate to our Christian faith, if at all.”

I have felt this confusion my entire adult life.

” . . . I know it’s absurd that I’ve spent my entire life thinking about how much I weigh and what I’m eating.”

Preach. My entire adult life.

“Does God really care how much you weigh or how you look? Does He want you to wear a certain dress size? Is He even concerned with such things? Does pleasing Him mean allowing Him to change your present image into something different?”

What do you think?

“How can I discern the difference between what God cares about and what is merely the thinking of our culture?”


“He wants to change your heart so that you will become more and more like His Son, Jesus.”

Back to the heart.

“All of the difficult circumstances you face – even your struggles with eating and your weight – are tools in the Master Sculptor’s hand. . . . Even though being chiseled and hammered on all sides isn’t comfortable, in His all-wise and loving hand, He’s making you into a beautiful reflection of Himself.”

It’s not comfortable. And this is where I get discouraged. Will this just forever be the issue I struggle with? Will God always be working on this idol in my heart until He calls me home? I just want to be done with it.

“Right away, you should recognize that this change is not primarily and outward one.”

The heart. Again.

“The transformation that God wants to accomplish in you isn’t merely the loss of 50 pounds or even the establishment of good eating habits. No, this transformation is much deeper than that. He wants you to be like Jesus!”


“When you face the reality of your present eating habits and the despair and hopelessness of never seeing any lasting change, take heart! If you are His child, then you can rest in the knowledge that ‘He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of earth; and no one (not even you!) can ward off His hand.’ He will fulfill all His plans for you!”

This is when I want to ask – When? How long?

“Does God want to change you? Yes, of course He does. Don’t settle for some temporary outward change. Rest and rejoice in His promise to you. God has something better for His children.; His change is eternal.”

Change me, God.


What did you think of the first two chapters?

I can sense this book is going to be difficult for me to talk about. For the past week, I’ve gone back and forth on what to share. I want freedom. And not just freedom from these tight jean shorts. Although, that’d be nice, too.

Don’t Wait!

Do you know how many times I wore a swimsuit three summers ago when I was at my healthiest weight?


That’s right.

I was so self-conscious about the way I looked in a swimsuit that I refused to put one on. All of those memories I missed making with my children!

The sad truth is, I have always struggled with summer and swimsuits. Even waaaay back in high school days. I hated the way I looked in a swimsuit and all I could think about was, “Everyone is going to stare at me. And not in a good way.”

This year, at around fifty pounds heavier than three years ago, I was not making the same mistake.

I purposely went and bought myself a new swimsuit. (I had to. I didn’t have one that fit. Snort!)

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I have proudly worn that size 16 suit all summer. At a lake in Texas. At a waterpark in Missouri. At two different lakes in Arkansas. At a friend’s pool.

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I have splashed and played with my children. I have gone down water slides. I have gone tubing. And floated in a lazy river. And canoed.


Were they staring at me? Were they grossed out by my cellulite? Did they notice how I’m basically part mermaid with the way my thighs love to hang out together?

Maybe they were. Maybe there were dudes snickering about me behind my back. Maybe there were some snarky chicks rolling their eyes at my audacity to wear a swimsuit in public.

You know what?


Maybe there was another woman there who needed to look out and see someone else confidently wearing a swimsuit. Maybe there was another woman there who needed to be able to say, “If she can do it, then I can do it, too.”

I finally decided I was sick and tired of waiting to live it up until I was the perfect size.

What are you waiting on experiencing until you lose weight? DON’T WAIT.

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Good grief, I’m yelling a lot lately.

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